Kimcheese Roll

Kimchi. Cheese. Kimchiiii. Cheeeeese. Kimchiii cheeese. Kimcheeeese. Kimcheese rolls. Kimcheese bread rolls. Rolling kimchi and cheese up in fluffy bread rolls. Kimcheese bread rolls. 

Today's recipe is a savoury one. It is comforting, warm, salty, spicy, cheesy all rolled up in chewy bread. You can eat it as a complete meal. It's got all you need - carbs from the bread, fibre, vitamins and nutrients from the veg, minerals from the seaweed, good source of fat from the sesame seeds and protein from the cheese. You can eat it as an accompaniment to other dishes. You can eat it as a snack for tea time! 

The idea of this dish was born from the craving of salty food. Having tried making bread rolls with kale and cheese, I thought I'd delve deeper and explore other territories of incorporating vegetables in bread. I decided to play on the fusion concept.  In Korean cuisine, cheese is sometimes used. Spicy kimchi noodle soup with cheese on top? Cheese tteokbokki? It's non-traditional, but the spicy, savoury, refreshing taste of kimchi goes really well with the hearty flavours of cheese. Both have satisfying umami flavours, imparted by the glutamate molecules which humans have a huge attraction to. So, why not bring them together in a fluffy bread roll? 

While I am neither skilled nor in possession of time (presently) for making the traditional nappa cabbage kimchi, I decided to adapt kimchi flavours in making this quick, non-fermented 'kimchi'. Asian cooking is all about the balance in flavours - layers of spiciness from the Korean chilli flakes, fresh chilli, ginger and onion, saltiness from salt, soy sauce and nori, sweetness from tomato and a sprinkle of sugar, tanginess from tomato, all of these lifted by the nuttiness of sesame oil. The vegetables are all sliced finely into roughly the same sizes, bathed in hot brine to extract moisture and develop crunch, then tossed in the spicy sauce. Let me tell you, it was so mouthwatering and I had to refrain myself from eating straight from the pot. Had to remind myself to save some for the bread!

The 'kimchi' itself was so yummy. Just imagine it laced with melted cheese. Then all this caressed by that warm, chewy, fluffy bread. Irresistible!

Kimcheese Rolls

Makes 12 rolls 

For the bread: 

3 cups of strong flour

2 cups whole grain/mixed grain flour 

1 tbsp salt 

2/3 cup rolled oats

1/3 cup corn grits

2 cups water (luke warm)

1 tbsp yeast 

1/3 cup olive oil

1 tbsp maple syrup 

For the kimchi:

1 leaf of cabbage

1 leaf of kale

1/4 carrot

1 apple
1 sheet of nori
3 tbsp toasted sesame seeds

For the spicy sauce:

1 small chilli

4 tbsp Korean chilli flakes

1/4 shallot 

1/2 tomato 

1cm ginger 

1 tbsp raw sugar

salt and soy sauce to taste 

1 tbsp sesame oil 

100g Colby (or similar) cheese

1. For the bread, mix all the dry ingredients together until well incorporated. Stir together water, yeast, olive oil and maple syrup and add to the dry ingredients. Start off by mixing with a butter knife until the dough starts coming together. Then tip the contents onto a clean bench and knead until dough is elastic and smooth (about 10-15 minutes). Place the dough in a large oiled bowl, cover with a damp cloth or plastic wrap and let it proof for about 1-2 hours until double in size. 
2. In the meantime, prepare the spicy sauce. Finely chop all the raw ingredients for the spicy sauce. With a mortar and pestle or a blender, pound or blend all the ingredients the chilli, chili flakes, shallot, tomato and ginger until a paste forms. Transfer to a small saucepan, add in the sugar, salt and soy sauce and cook until fragrant (a few minutes). Turn the heat off. 
3. Bring a pot of water to boil. Meanwhile, finely chop your vegetables for the kimchi. Once the water has boiled, turn the heat off and add a tablespoon of salt. Stir until salt has dissolved. Place the vegetables in the brine and leave for about 10-15 minutes. Drain. 
4. Dress the vegetables with the sauce. Add in the finely chopped apple, torn up sheet of nori and sesame seeds. Stir until combined. 
5. Knock down the bread, then briefly knead the dough, folding it in on itself so the smooth side is exposed. Roll the dough out into a rectangle, about less than 1cm thick. Pile on and evenly spread the kimchi (you won't use all of it). Then grate the 3/4 of the cheese onto the dough. Tightly roll up the dough, making sure the filling is all sealed in. Divide into 12 pieces and place on a line baking tray. Let the dough proof a second time until double in size (about 45 minutes). 
6. Half an hour into the second proofing, preheat the oven to 180C. Once the dough is ready, top with the remaining 1/4 of cheese and bake for about 20 minutes or until nice and golden. 
7. Remove from oven, and cool slightly on a wire rack before serving with some of the kimchi. 

Non-bake Granola Bars

I have reached a milestone! I feel like I am on holiday now. I FINALLY finished the lab component of my thesis!!!! No more late nights and weekends in the poorly ventilated lab. No more standing for hours and hours on end, endlessly pounding apples and getting frostbites and weird brain freezes from liquid nitrogen. No more sniffing acetone and methanol. No more skipping meals because experiments take so long. No more!!!

Though oddly enough, as much as I disliked doing lab work, I feel like I will definitely miss walking around in my lab coat and safety glasses between levels 5, 1 and 7 of the Chemistry building. As much as I hated handling chemicals, I felt that through the past few months, I have actually come to terms with it, and I admit, towards the end, I actually quite enjoyed it. This could possibly be because the last experiments I was doing produced really awesome samples (Check out my Instagram). My pigments extractions actually looked really pretty! The vibrant green chlorophylls from Granny Smith peel, pastel yellow from Envy flesh and bright pink anthocyanins from Royal Gala are definitely eye-catching.

I feel like I've learned a lot from doing experiments. Not only the laboratory skills, I've also learned how to work with others. When I first started doing lab work, I think I was pretty selfish and self-centred. All I really cared about was that I had so much to do and I wanted to get everything done as soon as possible. But in real life, it doesn't really work that way. The lab isn't just for me. I had to work with lab technicians and peers, make compromises in terms of when to use the machines, sharing equipments and things like that. Certain times when I had to work at other people's lab, it was all on their schedule. Time management and planning became a huge part, especially when I had to plan my way around the few limited days that I could do the analyses and before my analyses I had to do so many lots of eight-hour-long extractions. And sometimes when you've spent days extracting your samples and they don't turn out good, that really tested your patience and persistence.

But I have to say, that few months, though exhausted as heck (and naturally, grumpy as ****), looking back now I wouldn't have done it any other way. There were times when I felt extremely lonely and questioning, when I was by myself desperately doing my work in the late hours on a Sunday night. Or that poignant moment when I bought dinner in between experiments and considered sitting down in the restaurant as a table for one. What was the point in working so hard? Why do I come in weekend after weekend, rejecting invites for late night BBQs or Mario Kart parties? But then I reminded myself, it will all be worth it when I FINALLY FINISH. When I finally start writing and start seeing my thesis slowly come together piece by piece. But gosh, seeing how hard everybody works, I can't complain at all. And friendships really are forged, when you drag your sleep deprived bodies into lab together, or when you share stories of how you accidentally pissed off the lab technician again, or when you just randomly rant about boys or admire girls with good genes that have time to go to gym and have super toned sexy legs. No, I wouldn't have had it any other way.

Though all these weeks I worked tirelessly, pushing myself to the brink of exhaustion, literally sometimes feeling like I could just keel over in between grinding apples, possibly knocking over that flask of liquid nitrogen, spilling it on my already dead hands, there was something else that I learned. That was to trust my intuitions. When that voice in your head says 'go home, don't start that experiment', you go home. Because chances are, you will screw up 50% of the things, you will make the stupidest mistakes and end up having to repeat again. Your instincts know best.

While doing my lab work, I more often than not ended up bingeing on sugary stuff which I convinced myself was good for the soul, despite my body sending out all these clear signals to STOP. Now that lab is over, I feel like a detox is definitely called for. I made these nut and oats bar as an inspiration from the lab I was tutoring and also to help me transition into a no-sugar lifestyle. And oh my gosh, these are SO GOOD!!! I should, but I actually can't stop eating them. They are so addictive. You won't believe that there's no refined sugar or anything added. The nuts provide the delicious crunch. All the natural ingredients - coconut, honey, olive oil, peanut butter, cocoa nib, they really do instill soo much flavour into the bar. And they are so so easy to throw together too! You don't even have to turn your oven on. They make a really nutritious snack and if you're like me, eat it for breakfast too. Definitely give it a go!

Non-Bake Granola Bars

Recipe inspired by Eat Well NZ

Makes 18 bars

Dried ingredients: *

3/4 cup rolled oats

1/2 cup red rice flour (or regular white rice flour)

1/3 cup pumpkin seeds

1/3 cup desiccated coconut

1/3 cup sunflower seeds

1/3 cup raisins 

1/4 cup walnuts, broken into smaller pieces

2 tbsp cocoa nibs

1 tsp cinnamon 

1/2 tsp Himalayan or sea salt 

 Wet ingredients:

1/4 cup extra virgin olive oil

1/4 cup honey

1/4 cup peanut butter

1 tbsp maple syrup 

1. Stir together all the dried ingredients. 

2. In a non-stick pan, dry toast the dried ingredients on medium heat until fragrant. Make sure to stir constantly. This is to lightly toast the nuts and to cook the rolled oats and rice flour. Also, the cocoa nibs, coconut and seeds will release their oils that will be instilled into the whole bar. Set aside. 

3. In a saucepan, stir together all the wet ingredients on low heat until melted and well incorporated. This will only take about a minute or two. 

4. Pour the wet ingredients over the dry ingredients and mix well. 

5. Line a 9x9cm square tin with baking paper. Press your nut and oat mixture into the tin firmly, using your hands to make it level. 

6. Refrigerate your bars overnight or for 4 hours. 

7. Cut into 18 bars (3 x 6). 

8. Serve. 

*You can choose to use other nuts and seeds, anything that you happen to have on hand!

Red Bean Pumpkin Rolls

On my birthday, one of my best friends wrote me a card and in it there were two quotes. The first quote was a Dr. Seuss one, which can be applied to any kinds of situation. "Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened". The second however, spoke to me on a deeper level. It was originally Japanese, translated to Chinese - '今后我想在自己选择的道路上一步一步的寻找光明。直到我能这样微笑着说话为止，在哪之前我至少要流下一公升的眼泪', from the Japanese Drama One Litre of Tears, which was based on a real life story of a young girl named Aya who kept a journal while her body wore away from spinocerebellar degeneration.
"From today onwards I wish to march on the path that I myself chose, step by step in search of light. Until I can genuinely smile while I speak, I must shed at least 1 litre of tears".
We must constantly strive for happiness, for equilibrium and balance, in this ever changing world. And that is what I will leave you with today, alongside these photos and recipe.

I tried several variations of the pumpkin bread, making both savoury and sweet versions. In the end I think I prefer the red bean version the best! I also tried several versions of dough, the original recipe called for milk added to the mixture. It made the dough really soft and harder to handle (dough in the round bowl), so I omitted it and added more pumpkin instead (dough in the square-ish bowl).

In terms of flavour, you can't really taste much of the pumpkin. It just lends a subtle sweetness and gives the bread a stunning bright colour!

Red Bean Pumpkin Rolls

Makes 12 

Recipe adapted from Sally's Baking Addiction 

For the dough:

160g pumpkin, chopped into cubes (leaving the skin on is fine)

2 tbsp oil

1 tsp salt 

2 tbsp sugar

1 tsp ground cinnamon 

1/2 tsp nutmeg

1/2 tsp ground cloves

1 tsp five spice 

1 egg, beaten 

2 tsp dried yeast

2 1/2 cups all purpose flour 

For the filling:

Red bean paste 

1. Place the pumpkin into a pot of boiling water and let it simmer until softened (about 15 minutes). Test with a fork. 

2. Drain the pumpkin, then mash with a fork. 

3. Add the oil, salt, sugar and spices and mix until well combined. 

4. Add in the egg and mix well.  

5. Add the yeast and flour and stir until combined. Tip mixture onto a floured surface and knead with floured hands. You will need to knead until the dough becomes smooth, feels elastic, doesn't stick to your hands and springs back when pressed with a finger. Treat the dough gently, but firmly. 

Alternatively, knead with a mixer with the dough hook attachment, but this takes the fun of making bread away!

6. Oil a big bowl and the surface of the dough, then place the dough in the bowl, covered with plastic wrap or damp cloth. Let the dough proof for about 1.5 to 2 hours or until it has doubled in size. 

7. Knock down by punching the dough to deflate it. Knead the dough, folding the rough side in so the smooth surface is on the outside. Shape and roll the dough out on a lightly floured surface into a rectangular shape. 

8. Spread your desired amount of red bean paste onto the dough, then roll up like a swiss roll. Divide this log into 12. 

9. Place each dough into a muffin hole, cover with damp cloth and let it proof a second time for about 1 hour or until dough has doubled in size again. At the 45 minute mark, turn on the oven to 180C to preheat. 

10. Glaze the rolls with a light layer of egg white then bake for about 20 minutes or until golden. You'll know the bread is done when you tap the bottom of the roll and it sounds hollow. 

11. Remove from pan and cool on wire rack. 

Looking back and looking forward

I can't remember the last time I had some quiet time to myself. The only time when I was able to drown out the voices in my head was under the shower, with the cap on, listening to the sounds of streaming giant water droplets thundering down on me, willing the hot water to wake me up. This weekend was fairly quiet. On Saturday I kicked back, erased all strands of thoughts related to uni, grabbed myself a couple of books and a cup of tea and immersed myself in that. It was magical. I fell asleep part way through the second book, woke up three hours later by my parents and had dinner, then continued reading. On Sunday, the nagging started again. Come on, don't be lazy, get some work done. Keep pushing, you're so close, work hard now, relax later. I knocked those voices out by making bread. Bread making has got to be one of my favourite things to do. I love every bit of mixing, kneading, feeling the sticky dough on the pad of my palm and on my fingers transforming under the careful push and shove into a smooth and bouncy work of art. Then the patient waiting while the yeasts labour on and puffs the dough up into this delicately light thing that feels so alive. Next you can really get creative and think of the possibilities of fillings and ways of shaping your dough, And after a second proof, bake them off into golden goodies that fills the whole house with the most incredible, yeasty, homely smell. You can see why that was able to keep my other nagging priorities at bay.

It's Lantern/Mooncake Festival today, so happy mooncake festival to all! I have been home the entire day, still in my weekend lazy mood. I turned a blind eye to social media and my phone. Partly because my mind is still in is slumber and I am simply too lazy to text or message anyone (Sorry friends!). Partly because I really do think I need to pause and I'm not too sure... quietly regain some perspectives on my life? I used to have this habit of eating a bowl of fruits and yoghurt in the afternoon. How much I'd look forward to the delicious, refreshing bowl of fruits - apples or banana mostly or whatever fruit is in season, with dollops of yoghurt (or soy milk) and a generous sprinkling of crunchy nuts and cereal. It's just so healthy but so yummy. Today, after months of neglecting this practice, since I was never home this early, I went downstairs to the kitchen, got the kitchen knife and cutting board out and made myself a fruit salad. Then it occurred to me, how much time has really passed. The last time I made that fruit salad was earlier this year when the strawberries were still in season. It really hit me. How much time has passed, how much has changed, how much I have changed in just a few months.

It is now about six months since I started my masters. And if I am really disciplined, i can finish in three months. I laugh to myself at this silly plan thinking about the mountainous work load still waiting for me. But nearing the end of my lab work, I do feel a sense of relief. Gosh it was almost two months straight of madness - morning till night, sometimes twelve hour shifts, no weekends. Everyday was literally, wake up with partially shut eyes, shower, eat, off to uni, do experiments for hours on end, sometimes skipping lunch, toast or instant soup for dinner, then carry on until ten or eleven pm, home, sleep, repeat. No wonder my skin is in such horrible conditions. My eating habits have changed so drastically from last year. The picky girl that only eats mixed grain rice with loads of fresh veg now scoffs down bread, cakes and cookies - in excessive amounts, way too much sweet food, or whatever's available just to fuel her body. Again I say, no wonder my skin is suffering so much. Thank god this is only Masters and not PhD and it'll all be over in a few (long) months! Then it'll be detox time!

While I welcome the day that I submit my thesis, the prospect of what's going to happen after is quite daunting. Hopefully I would have my masters degree, but job hunting! What a scary thing! I don't know what I want to do. What if i don't find a job? What if I get a job that I dislike or that the people there are nasty? What if I chose the wrong path?  When is the best time to apply for jobs? I'm already running through websites after websites of job listings but I have this debate going on in my head about whether or not I should start applying, seeing that I am still quite a long way off from finishing my masters. But... what if the jobs that I am interested in now are gone by the time I have finished? Would it be too late? On one hand I would quite like a month or two without any work, just focusing on regaining my health and balance. But on the other hand, the thought of sitting idle for months, feeling insecure and unsure... hmmm I'm not sure if that's what I want.

Anyway, I think I've poured enough of my silly thoughts onto this page. I'm working on a lovely pumpkin bread recipe so hopefully that will be up soon! 

Update on life. Point.

My life has been completely - completely - taken over by lab. I am not joking when I say I live in lab. I see the faces of my peers and seniors more than I see the faces of my siblings. The lab technician is like my mother in uni and she tells me off more often than my real mother does (because, you know, that's what mothers like doing, telling their kids off). I see all corners of the lab more than I see the corners of my home. Uni is my home. I do everything there except for sleep. If they provide comfy warm beds I'd probably sleep there too. Actually, no, I wouldn't. I wouldn't wouldn't wouldn't. I still want to reserve that tiny slice of sanity. That piece of life that reminds me that I am no robot and that there are still other facets of the world other than that work bench with the flasks sitting on the left side of the table and those bottles of Milli-Q water in front of me and that balance behind me and that stool that I hardly sit on next to me because standing is so much more efficient and that elevator that has become my friend because I gave up my fitness plan of climbing up ten flights of stairs up five floors to get to that lab (Even though it was mean once and decided to scare me by refusing to open its doors, trapping me in there for several minutes).

My lab coat needs washing. But time cannot be wasted on such triviality! March forward I must. Every day. But it's ok. I think I've gotten used to this lifestyle. It's quite pleasurable in lab sometimes. All of us maniacs who go in as soon as (or even before) the sun has risen and stay there long after the sun has set and the moons and stars have come alight. And by nightfall, we're all so wasted from the fumes of ethanol or starch and the sounds of the oven humming and vortex churning that we emerge from our solitary focused work state and joke with each other about mundaneness, repetition and point - mostly pointlessness.

What's the biggest excitement in lab? New faces. New faces to join the clan. First they come in all fresh and ready to rumble. But soon, oh you'll notice, soon, dark circles begin to appear beneath their eyes. Once glowing faces begin to fade. Who cares about make up and pretty clothes anymore? Track pants are the way to go and unless there are break outs caused by the who-knows-what's-floating-around-in-it air, make up... pointless. Ahh what's the point of me rambling on about this? I've lost my original point. But I suppose the whole point in the first place of writing is to remember. I want to remember how I felt at this point in time while I feel so exhausted and drained every single day from the physical and mental labour and demands of experiments. Because two months ago, I really disliked what I was doing. I didn't see the point in it. But today, I see that there is no use complaining and moaning about things that I have to do. I placed myself in that position to begin with. I might as well enjoy it! And at this stage, I am just passed halfway in terms of lab work. What were once difficult tasks that take days to finish, I could accomplish in hours. Yay! Pat on the back for small achievements. And I admit, I am mostly happy that I'm gradually ticking off my to do list, but a part of me will miss this mundaneness and repetitiveness. Ahh the sizzling sound of liquid nitrogen as it freezes my 1g of apple that I so carefully carved out (Ok ok, THAT wasn't mundane at all. Dangerous and fascinatingly exciting stuff!). Oh boy, will my arms miss that free work out from grinding and pounding those apples into powdery particles. And man, seeing the methanol flow through that 0.45 filter and C18 cartridge bringing with it the pigments that stained the cartridge. That transient ombre on the cartridge turning to clean whiteness. That's poetry too isn't it?

Lab has taught me a lot. Dedication and perseverance. Overcoming glitches and bumps because trust me, they will (and have) pop(ped) up whenever and wherever they feel like, especially when you feel like you're in the deepest shiet already and they'll just stick their heads up and be like hey! Guess what! You think THAT's deep, have fun tripping over THIS next one and climbing out of this next hole you'll fall into ;D. But I suppose, the key thing to remember is there aren't that many problems in this world that cannot be overcome as long as we put our hearts to it and believe. In the end, that's the only difference between failure and success, isn't it? When you think you've reached your limits, just keep pushing anyway and you'll discover a whole lot of you that you never knew existed before.

*PS. I know... It's been so long since I posted. I haven't been emotionally well but now colours are starting to appear in my life again and today I'm in a super duper writing mood! But now that I do write... no recipe?! How could I? I have been baking a lot. It's kinda like, the more time I spend in lab, the more I crave baking as a way of compensating for the irony of the lack of edible food in a food science lab - as you know, most of the time food scientists play with substances that make up food rather than food itself. But but but, every time I bake it's all rushed and at weird hours so the lighting is bad and lugging out that 2kg camera is such a chore. And also the goods don't last that long folks because I bring them to lab and feed the other food deprived people. HOPEFULLY my next hiatus isn't this long [SORRRYYYY]. Meanwhile, ponder this - S'mores cake. Idea derived from the oh so beautiful Cupcake Jemma (GAH, she's amazing!!!)

Triple chocolate cookies [Warning: Dangerously addictive!]

Lots of chocolate and lots of exercise makes one happy. Yesterday, I broke my own self restrictions and ate chocolate brownie cake (AMAZING, recipe will be up... eventually!) for breakfast, and lunch, and dessert. I was eating chocolate cake THE WHOLE DAY. Yum!! Then I felt guilty (but not really, since it made me happy) so I went to do some intense exercise and BAM, half an hour later, I felt so happy. Like so exhilarated about life. Like nothing will ever deter me. That's what a balanced life is about isn't it? Eating so much chocolate cake that I feel the need to exercise, then doing some intense work out so I could eat more chocolate cake!! Then repeat the next day.

Pretty much all the food I've been making these days involve chocolate. Just been craving this god-send gift everyday. What would the world be like without cacao beans? It would be a sad sad world indeed I tell ya. What would we turn to when we feel that there's an emptiness inside us that needs to be filled, a hole specifically dedicated to chocolate? Wow just thinking about that makes me wanna reach for more chocolate.

So these cookies. ARE AMAZING. Like addictively so. Like so addictive that you have to give them away to your friends to stop yourself from over-indulging in them. But then you only ended up giving away half because you wanted to keep the rest for yourself. *Sorry friends who missed out.* They're that kind of chocolate cookies that really really hit that spot, fill up that empty hole in you but then more holes just keep materialising inside you just so they could be filled with more of these cookies. These cookies are seriously that dangerous. Get in the kitchen now and start making them! Until then, you're seriously deprived.

Triple Chocolate Cookies

Makes about 25 cookies 

100g butter, room temperature

3/4 cup raw sugar, blended

1 egg

1tsp vanilla essence

1 1/2 unbleached flour

1/2 cup cocoa powder

1/2 tsp salt

1/2 tsp baking soda

3/4 tsp baking powder

1 cup dark chocolate, finely chopped

Chocolate truffle mixture 

225g dark chocolate, finely chopped

1/2 cup cream 

1tsp vanilla essence

1. For the chocolate truffle mixture: Bring the cream to boil, then pour over chocolate. Add vanilla and stir until smooth. Let sit in room temperature until cool. Place in refrigerator until use. 

2. Cream butter and sugar together until light, pale and fluffy. Add in egg and vanilla essence and beat until well incorporated. 

3. In a separate bowl, sift together flour, cocoa powder, salt, baking soda and baking powder. Add to the butter mixture and mix on the lowest speed until just combined. 

4. Add in the chopped dark chocolate and stir until just combined. 

5. Place mixture in refrigerator for 20 minutes. In the meantime, preheat oven to 170C. 

6. Take both the chocolate truffle and cookie dough out from the refrigerator. Take tablespoonfuls of cookie dough, flatten slightly, then take 1/2 teaspoonfuls of chocolate truffle mix and place in centre of cookie dough. Roll into spheres, place on tray and flatten slightly. Repeat until all cookie dough is used up. 

7. Bake in oven for about 12 minutes. 

8. Remove from oven, cool on rack and refrain from eating until cookie has cooled!

9. Enjoy. Refrain from eating all cookies in one go. 

Chocolate Cupcake - with a secret ingredient!

It has been a while. I have been putting off writing this post. So much is happening in my life right now but I don't know how to share, where to begin. These past few months have definitely surpassed my expectations. In terms of emotions, my silly little heart has been tossed and yanked here and there. It's been crushed, and more tears than I know existed squeezed out. But it's also being patched and filled. I never expected so much love to flow inwards from all these directions. So many warm hands extended forth. They have touched me, truly. 

Life really is an adventure when you finally decided to fearlessly live it. I don't believe in regrets. Rather, I believe that every single thing that has happened, by choice or not, are like little knots making up this glorious knit of our lives. Each encounter in our lives make us who we are. It's rather coincidental in a wonderful way that several people that I talked to mentioned how incredible life is, how if it wasn't for one small incident, or one person, we would never have met. If we stop and think about the string of people in this network of our lives, and recall how we met each other, we would get so very amazed. If it wasn't because of that day when we spontaneously said yes to a spontaneous dinner invite, we would never have met. What if he'd never craved ramen? If it wasn't because that we decided to attend that club orientation, we would never have met. If we have never met, we would never have experienced so much richness in our lives, we would never have met so many other significant people in our lives. What would've happened if at that moment in time, he happened to be on the other side of the park, talking to some other people instead of us? What if it wasn't raining on that day and we never got to share that umbrella and started that conversation? What if we didn't end up sitting next to each other in that lecture? What if I was too chicken and didn't go for that audition?

Life is a series of choices. There is no right or wrong. It is ok to not know. It is ok to wait. Sometimes we really must take that leap of faith and jump even if we are scared. If we don't, we'll be stuck in the same spot forever. But we must also use sensical judgement and trust in our gut instincts. Right now, I don't know where I am going or what I am doing. I am merely following my gut, doing what feels right even though it seems like the wrong thing to do. It's healthy once in a while to just ignore our logic and listen to that voice in our hearts. And friends really are the chocolate chips in the cookie of life. From these past few months I have discovered who the people that truly care are. Without them, I'd feel lost and empty. Thus, I am eternally grateful. Grateful for those accidental and improvised encounters. Grateful for all these seemingly insignificant choices that we make every day. Grateful for a hello. Grateful for tearful laughter and ugly tears. Grateful for sleepless nights and exhausted days. Grateful for warm hugs and soulful stares. Grateful for fate and trust.

So, to celebrate these little wonders in life, let's have cake. Better still, let's have chocolate cake that errs on the guilt-free side!

Indulgent Chocolate Beetroot Cupcakes

Recipe adapted from www.deliciousmagazine.co.uk

Serves 12

250g dark chocolate, broken up

3 large free range eggs

150g raw sugar, blended

100ml vegetable oil

1tsp vanilla essence

100g self-raising flour

1/2 tsp baking soda

1/2 tsp baking powder

Pinch of salt

250g raw beetroot, finely grated 

Cocoa powder

1. Preheat oven to 180C. Line a 12-hole muffin pan with cases. 

2. In a bain-marie, melt chocolate gently, then allow to cool. 

3. Whisk together eggs, sugar and oil using an electric mixer until thick and creamy. Stir in the vanilla essence. 

4. In a separate bowl, sift together flour, baking soda, baking powder and salt. Gently fold into the egg mixture. 

5. Fold the beetroot into the cooled chocolate and fold this mixture into the egg mixture. Stir until combined. 

6. Transfer into pan and bake for approximately 20 minutes. 

7. Cool on wire rack then dust with cocoa powder.

8. Serve!